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We Are The Killer Pelicans
 
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in killer_pelicans' LiveJournal:

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
3:34 am
Writer's Block: Comic Instinct
Do you think animals have a sense of humor?


Of course we bloody well don't. What would we want with a sense of humour*?!?

We do have one. Just don't tell our Hag or she'll make us listen to all her truly awful jokes like "What's yellow and deadly? Shark-infested custard." Apparently the look her Dad gave her when she told him that joke was brilliant. We hoped it might discourage her from any more bad jokes but it hasn't. She's now planning to DRAW a picture of some shark-infested custard for the wall beside his bed in the hospital. She's bloody impossible!

So we don't lose these.
Possible tinnitus cure?
Rap fans bombard family's phone
Giant Algae bloom origins discovered
Pretty whale!!!

*Note correct spelling.
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
6:38 pm
To whom it may concern

Start sending hate mail to these evil spammers.

WebBrands,
30 Buckingham Gate,
London,
SW1E 6NN

Her name is not Belinda and she would like WebBrands to F*ck Off And Die.

It's all Cadman Fine Wine's fault. This only started happening after she asked them, for the third time, to remove her email address from their mailing list. They're evil bastards and deserve to die a painful death.
Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
2:50 am
Would the people at Cadman Fine Wines please FUCK OFF AND DIE. How many times does a person have to ask to be removed from your fucking pointless mailing list. I've gone through the link at the end of the email, I've emailed you directly. In fact you did stop emailing me for 6 months after I threatened to send you old banana skins to your door. I wonder if I'll need to resort to that again.
Fuck off and die you cunts.

Cadman Fine Wines are ripoff merchants
Cadman Fine Wines are cunts
Cadman Fine Wines use baby blood in their wines
Cadman Fine Wines use child labour

Cadman Fine Wines are ripoff merchants
Cadman Fine Wines are cunts
Cadman Fine Wines use baby blood in their wines
Cadman Fine Wines use child labour
Saturday, August 12th, 2006
7:23 pm
"You're So Vain (You Probably Think This Post is About You)"
Satirized by grynz

You read in my Live Journal
Something you didn't want to see
Assuming I was writing about you
When I was writing for me
Your temper started rising
And its target couldn't flee
When at the first chance you gave quite a lecture
Gave quite a lecture, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

My writings in my Journal are
Without direction
Yet you're "calender counting" just
To see how the numbers run
Cuz' god forbid the posted count
Don't match the number shown
I have to say that it doesn't seem healthy
Doesn't seem healthy, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

I have to say that it doesn't seem healthy
Doesn't seem healthy, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well I have to say it's hard to feel
Safe posting what's on my mind
And it always seems to upset you
To hear about my time
And lord forbid my Gratitudes or
Posts don't mention you
Then yet again I am put on the defensive
Put on the defensive, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain (so vain)
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

You're so vain...
(You probably think this post is about you)

You're so vain...
(You probably think this post is about you)

You're so vain...


Original Artist: Carly Simon
Original Song: You're So Vain
(c) Copyright 1972 by Quackenbush Music, Ltd.

(c) Copyright 2004 by K Porter - This song is a work of satire. Any parallels between you, others, real or imagined life events, and events gossiped about similar to any described by the lyrics of this song are purely coincidental. The author refuses responsibility for any hurt feelings and/or perceived slights. Upset due to above lyrics may be potential reason for personal self-examination and emotional growth.

Surgeon General's Warning: Taking the author seriously may be hazardous to your physical and emotional health. Handle with care.
Friday, July 8th, 2005
2:11 pm
The Daffodils - William Wordsworth
I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
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